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Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in the world with this problem. But I'm sure there are many others who experience the same thing as I do. Dynamics change between families and I guess having four kids makes it tough for me. But I would like to share some of my experiences with other parents in the hope that I might help a few.
I have an ongoing difficulty with my 10 year old daughter, Rebekah. It doesn't matter what time she wakes up in the morning, she seems to end up pottering around and then being late to school on a regular basis.
The most important thing to do when you have a child like this is to find out if they are being bullied at school. Once you rule that out then you can concentrate on fixing the problem.
Always try something positive to start off with. An example of this might be a sticker chart and at the end of the week a trip to buy ice cream if they have stickers for every day. Make the reward immediate and something that the child likes in order to motivate them. And as your child gets better you can then start to make the rewards a bit further apart.
You need to exhaust all the possibilities of positive consequences before thinking of turning to a negative consequence as positive consequences really do work better. Unfortunately for my daughter I had to use a negative consequence this morning, on account of her throwing a tantrum. That was something I would not have expected to see from a ten year old.
Becky has finally left for school and I am sitting here trying to dream up a consequence that will motivate her to change her habits. The idea of a consequence is to help teach a child that their behavior is simply not worth it. I have decided that because Becky acted like a small child by throwing a tantrum, I am going to remove some "grown up" things from her room: a nice pair of earrings and a few nice items of clothing. After all, these things are only suitable for a more mature child who knows how to act their age.
Always try to match the crime to the punishment. In my case I am letting Becky know that because she threw a tantrum she should not be wearing grown up clothes. Make sure that you talk through it with the child so they understand why you are doing what you do.
Even though this may seem harsh, I will give Becky a chance to lessen her consequence very quickly. Our job as parents is to help prepare our kids for the outside world when they grow up. Even convicts in jail have the chance to lessen their time behind bars for good behavior. So our kids should also be provided with this opportunity to lessen a consequence wherever possible. If Becky does the right thing for perhaps two days, she will get her earrings back and so on until she has earned everything back again. This way she fully understands that she is responsible for making things happen in her life. And that's the way I want it to be.
Tags: Home & Family
Tags: Home & Family
